Richard Osman. The Bullet That Missed. Large Print. USA: Pamela Dorman Books/Viking, 2022.
Ah, so good to hold a real book again! Here's the Thursday Murder Club of Coopers Chase, flush with confidence after their recent cold case successes. Elizabeth, Joyce, Ron, Ibrahim. Why are they fawning over journalist Mike Waghorn, host of a popular TV news program? ... because he was the last person in touch with Bethany Waites, whose ten-year-old murder case they are investigating. The promising young reporter apparently died when her car went over a cliff, although her body was never found. Early on, though, Elizabeth's participation is interrupted by an enormous bearded man who expects her to kill Vasily Illyich, once a cold war KGB colonel, now a happy money launderer. Or else this huge stranger, whom she thinks of as The Viking, will kill her best friend Joyce. Elizabeth agrees, knowing Vasily from years ago.
The seniors have acquired some hangers-on since I last came across them. Pauline, makeup artist for the television studio that includes Mike's news program, is dating the Murder Club's Ron. Young Bogdan has become a sort of gofer for the Club, and is getting it on with Donna, the female cop. Donna's partner, DCI Chris, is not yet aware of the latter's promising relationship; he's more interested in grooming himself for a TV appearance with Mike. Ibrahim interviews major drug dealer Connie Johnson in prison; she might be persuaded to make friends with Heather Garbutt, also in prison, convicted of VAT fraud which Bethany was largely responsible for exposing. Ron interviews Jack Mason, Heather's reputed boss and still a free man; they bond over a snooker table. Elizabeth puts the pressure on Fiona, Bethany's rival in the television industry at the time. All this: seeking any clues to Bethany's last hours on the fatal night.
The Club's regular meetings have become more crowded than ever. With or without police cooperation, they are going to solve this case! There's method somewhere in the mayhem, while the fun and surprises drop consistently like perfect plums from Osman's pen. Discreet competition takes place for being interviewed on Mike's show. Joyce's crushes switch from man to man. Connie's prison scenes are a hoot as she serves espresso to her guests. As Pauline says to the assembled company, they are all barking mad. May Osman's pen never pause!
And may I say that for humour in crime fiction, Osman's Murder Club is close to the top (nothing will beat Mick Herron's Slough House series, IMO). Totally entertaining without sacrificing interesting plots. If ... if ... Killers of a Certain Age (LL 296) becomes a series, I grant them third place in this most entertaining and honourable category!
One-liners
▪ "Everyone wants to feel special, but nobody wants to feel different," says Bogdan. (23)
▪ I'm not just here for tea and biscuits, you know. (Joyce's diary, 28)
▪ Mike finds it hard to cry, because he started having Botox treatments before they'd really got the hang of them, and his tear ducts are blocked. (82)
▪ "Would Ron like a team of officers rooting through his underwear?" (143)
▪ "It can't always be a game, Joyce." (191)
▪ Ibrahim recognizes, not for the first time, that he is given to over-complicating things at times. (239)
▪ The Viking holds out an imaginary gun, and points it at Viktor's imaginary head. (249)
Multi-liners
▪ "Humans can't be fixed," says Ibrahim. "We're not lawnmowers. I wish we were." (64)
▪ "Just tell me, Heather. It looks like you did it. But you don't seem like a killer." (Connie, 88)
▪ "I said she's dead." Jack pots another ball, then chalks his cue. (132)
▪ He takes a sip of the water provided on the lectern. It turns out to be a vodka and tonic. Probably for the best. (Chief Constable, 139)
▪ And he doesn't start drinking till six. No grassing, and no whisky till six. Rules to live by. (Jack, 151)
▪ Chris would love to find a clue that Elizabeth has missed. Should he really be that competitive with a woman in her late seventies? (156)
▪ "We're all programmed," says Joyce. "Joanna made me watch a YouTube video about it." (330)
▪ Bethany saved Mike's life, and Mike was never able to repay that debt in her lifetime. But he could repay it now. (340)
Warrior woman
Pauline stands, slowly and calmly. She walks over to Henrik and places a hand on either side of his face. The room falls silent.
"Henrik, listen to me carefully, my darling. I've met a thousand men like you, and I know you need things spelled out for you. So here goes. If you even dream of touching a hair on Ron's head, I will kill you. That man is under my protection, and if any harm comes to him I will put bullets in your knees, and then in your elbows, and then, when I've tired of hearing you screaming, which will take a long, long time, I will put a bullet in your head to finish you off. In fact, if Ron wakes up with so much as a cough, I will find you, and I will cut out your heart and eat it. And I will send the video evidence to your mum, the pastry chef. Do we have the beginnings of an understanding?" (328-9)
Kirsten Miller. The Change. Ebook download from TPL. USA: HarperCollins, 2022.
The Change is dense. With three or four protagonists, it moves deep into their lives as they form an alliance of retribution. Nessa James's gift of second sight leads them on a journey to expose a serial killer of young girls in their area. The location of dead bodies, two of which only Nessa can see, suggests someone in the nearby Culling Pointe wealthy enclave was involved. Elements of the supernatural (not really my thing) blend right in, these women exercising power they'd been denied till middle age brings them changes and release. Their roles stabilize as a team:
Nessa, a widowed nurse, modesty itself unless her daughters (twin teenagers) are in danger, gifted with the ability to see ghosts of murdered peopled, attracted to Detective Franklin—Nessa is the finder.
Jo Levison, owner of successful workout studio Furious Fitness (women only), married to Art, ten-year-old daughter Lucy—Jo is the protector.
Harriett Osborne, eccentric pagan, ex-husband Chase Osborne, self-taught horticulturalist, often stoned—Harriett is the punisher.
Rocca, the local police chief, dismisses the first murder victim as a prostitute and drug addict. The team can't even prove that two more bodies were dumped in the ocean near the first. Only Det. Franklin is willing to give limited help. Wangling an invitation to a Culling Pointe party, Jo and Harriett witness that misogyny is alive and thriving among rich and influential men. It's a repetition of what our heroines have experienced all their lives: women ignored or disparaged in both social and professional situations. They also understand that rich people have enough influence to avoid being prosecuted for some illegal activities. Spencer Harding is one of their suspects, and his wife Rosamund is acting strangely; not much later she dies in a car crash.
At the party Jo and Harriett meet Claude, the long-term girlfriend of Leonard Shaw whom she describes as the "King" of Culling Pointe. Leonard seems unlike his posturing, domineering brethren and Claude seems a like-minded and useful ally. Just when it looks as if they've nailed the killer for the cops and Harriett's ready to make him suffer, the plot takes an unpleasant turn. Josh Gibbon is a crime podcaster whose cooperation with them backfires. Loose ends spur a whole new hunt with someone trying to stop them. The trio have dealt with several adventures already but it's not over until it's payback time. Don't mess with Jo, the athletic ninja. Don't mess with Harriett, the conjuring witch. Don't be fooled by Nessa's polite, rational demeanour.
The Change became more predictable as it raced to a climax—racing so much between one woman and another that the reader could lose track of who knows or does what when. An inventive and often surprising novel, that initial credibility in Harriett's powers loses some traction. But the ladies' goal to rid the world of predatory men breeds some interesting dynamics.
Jo
▪ How many years – how much energy – had she lost trying to control something that could not be controlled? (76)
▪ "And you, me, and Harriett goddam Osborne are going to go look for a corpse that's been calling to you from beyond the grave?" (79)
▪ "The only way to keep her safe for good is to send Spencer Harding's evil ass to jail, and I'm not going to rest until it happens." (370)
▪ "What if we created a program for girls that combines assertiveness training, self-defense, and martial arts?" Jo suggested. (421)
Nessa
▪ She didn't know yet what Nessa knew—that God needed some people to look at things the rest of the world couldn't face. (89)
▪ A bad bad feeling was pressing Nessa to act. "I need to talk to Josh right away." (479)
▪ "You've become quite a badass, my dear," Harriett noted as Nessa peeled out of the parking lot. "Feels nice, doesn't it?" (504)
▪ "I feel you being called, and I feel you resisting. That is the source of your pain," she told Nessa. (529)
Harriett
▪ "There's a very fine line between what cures and what kills." (56)
▪ "I'm the punishment that fits the crime." Harriett returned to her work. "Jo is the rage that burns everything down." (172)
▪ "Her husband, Andrew, and I used to work together," she said. "Now he has the job I deserved, and I have sex with his wife." (176)
▪ There was no evil in the natural world. There was pain and pleasure and life and death. (315)
Other Bits
▪ "They say the Osborne lady has powers. Nobody wants to get in her way." (45)
▪ "But why in hell do you want to meet Harding? The man's got a personality of a pit viper." (237)
▪ "I just came to collect Mrs. Harding's things for her husband." (285)
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